The delineation between Progressive and Tech house is directly linked to how bald you are.
Progressive house ,it seems, makes all your hair fall out.
Call it tech house and you’ll be sporting a willowy mane for years to come.

SLIME TIME - more solid releases delviered straight from the underground on one of the scenes most consistent labels - Slime Recordings. Heaving out lucious pads, neat vocal cuts and all wrapped in a duvet of bass Bhok’s “Galcier”. Post Garage? Future Dubstep? Neo Breaks? Whateverthefuckyoucallit.
It’s ace. Slime Records says so. Due out October 15th…

<strong>THUNDERING TECHNO </strong>- from Adam Beyer’s illustrious Drumcode label. It pitches itself as “a full force groove punctuated by a pitch-bent elastic hook and panning effects” the dullness of which just goes to show just how hard it is to write about techno. 

BREAKBEAT MONSTER What happened when the Freestylers cluster fucked the Stanton Warriors? DJ Zinc happened, apparently. It’s not clever but it most certainly is big.

If you&#8217;re not British (and under 35) you probably won&#8217;t get this

If you’re not British (and under 35) you probably won’t get this

For all the arguments that laptop DJ’s are just checking their emails here is Chris Liebing giving a run down on his “DJ” setup. No requests.

FUNK WONK - The Grand High Wizard of Parisian Funk-Wonk Onra lets this one out the bag for the bargain price of bugger all. Chuck Inglish features doing that ersatz southern drawl which seems to de-rigeur for all “hiyp hawp raaypurz” who want to sound like they are mentally deficient or the victim of a near fatal car accident.

NEARLY-BUT-NOT-QUITE-STEP If this had a snare it would probably be “some next-level dubstep shit”. Fortunately it doesn’t so it sounds like moody, downtempo techno which is far more interesting. And less likely to steal your wallet.

Dear God. This is the bomb.

UK BASS BOOM – Barely enough to moisten your gusset here’s a 55 second clip of the impending Addison Groove release due out in Mid September. The other 6 minutes and 5 seconds could be complete and utter bollocks. It’s like Beatport circa 2009.